I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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