You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
