WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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