a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
