ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
