I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
the liver wants what the liver wants
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
