he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
