The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
