ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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