she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
