Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
