so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Vodka?
Forever.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
