I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
