sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
