your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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