So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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