why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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