after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
