I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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