I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
