So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
