Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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