I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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