I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
