Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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