I wish I could punch you in the face.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
