I can tuck mytits in my pants
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
