Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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