She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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