I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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