The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
