my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
True strength comes from lack of pants
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
