I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Randomize
