Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
