i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
