New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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