Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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