My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
