Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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