There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
