I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
