dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
