Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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