Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
