They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
