ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
