I think i sorta joined a cult last night
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
