you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The uberlube is also flammable
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
