I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
