im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
