I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think I won the penis lottery.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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