i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Randomize
