I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
