i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
