the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
