I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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